What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 04:16
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why do very skinny girls get more male attention if it is true that men like curves?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is soul school!.
Why can't they repair the damage caused by Elon Musk renaming Twitter to X?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So whats the point in blame.
Put me off passion for life!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
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I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was very sick at this time too.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i do to all so called friends.?
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I have no regrets .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What should I do if I love a girl and she apparently doesn't love me?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
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He knew the spot.
We were not on the streets..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was seconnd youngest,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What did i know ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im still living with it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Comes on , in middle age.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She married twice! .
I will be 64.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We all went to grammer schools
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She loved him until the end.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was in good health!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it wasn’t much.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot live in the past .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I write beautiful poetry .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So, i spoilt her more .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I waited trembling.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But ive been too sick for many years..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Especially a lifetime of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was 9 years of age.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
All the time i was locked up.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She found it foreign!.
Would this be the day?
My life is so biszare .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ive learnt so much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When she asked me how she looked .
Who then, do I blame.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And i lived it daily.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My family never makes their pension either.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I said to her
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She wouldn,t have been !
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.